Tuesday, May 27, 2008
It's about my frustration with an illness that currently prevents me from having sex
I have a condition called vulvodynia-- my particular form of vulvodynia is called vestibulodynia. Basically it means that if you touch the areas with in my vulva, it burns, like hell.
It sucks, because I want to have sex. I want to enjoy sex. But I can't. I never have.
The first treatment was yeast pills, to check if there was an underlying yeast problem.
Then I'd just need some pills and I'd be cured...
Nope, no such luck.
The next treatment scares the living daylights out of me-- Dilators.
Dilators are basically surgical dildos.
You used a small one until you can associate the pain with comfort. SO my medicine: Masturbate with varying size dildos for a few months every night.
For most people that would be amazing. For me it sounds like hell. The first dilator is slightly larger than a finger, but even a finger inserted inside me makes it difficult to sit for a day or two (and not in a good way)
So I'm a little scared and sad.
And felt like posting to release.
Because once I release, then I can take the next action, whatever that may be.
Thanks and Spanks
Monday, May 26, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
I nod bashfully and roll my eyes.
"Did you just roll your eyes at me?!" SLAP Chris shouts as he slaps my face. "Answer me, slut."
I love it when he plays rough
"Yes sir." I mumble "I hate it wh--" SMACK
"When I want you're opinion I'll ask for it. Now pull down your pants and underwear."
Slowly I peel down my skinny jeans, fuck they're hard to get off, then I pull down my pink boxer briefs attempting to hide the evidence of how happy this game made me. Chris threw me over his broad lap and began rubbing my bottom with his hairbrush then WHAP aiiiee jeez that hurt
SMACK I feel the my buttocks giving way and jiggling to the beat of the hairbrush. SLAP SMACK SLAP. Shit! This effing hurts. I stare at the beige carpeting on the floor and the side of his hairy legs, trying to think up games to make it hurt less. SMACK
"I'm sorry. Please, please stop!" I squeal and squirm.
The only answer I get is the methodical fiery attack on my backside.
Then after an eternity, it stops.
Or so I think...
The leather strap cuts the air and wraps around my sit spots
I shriek in pain
Squirming I nearly fall off his lap and as Chris adjusts me, he notices how wet I am.
"Oh you think this punishment is sexual do you?" he asks.
No time to ponder, how do I answer that correctly? How do I answer that correctly? I really don't want to be spanked any more. SHIT
"I'll show you sexual." Chris launches me onto the bed holding my arms above my head with his right hand he lowers his jeans with his left. He comes on top of me and penetrates me pounding harder and faster. "This is fucking sexual."
With each rise and fall I can feel my heart race. Each moment he's pounding I'm running out of breath gasping for air, and gasping for this moment... He just knows, how to make me go crazy, you know?
Moaning and squealing we collapse in each others sweaty arms giggling.
Getting my effing homework done that's where ;-P
Anyway--I had an "aha moment" as Oprah would say.
Maybe, Pest is right, maybe I've judged Drew too quickly.
Maybe, because I've assumed that Drew is not a spanko, he doesn't act like one.
For example, because I assume he won't take charge, I tell him how to take charge-- and because I tell him how to take charge he is never really taking charge... make sense?
I dominate him to be dominating... instead of being submissive and allowing him to fulfill the role.
I have more to try-- mwah ha ha...
Yes I think our spankings have only been semi fulfilling because as much as I say he's in control, I'm in control.
I just need to trust him...
Oh G-d another chick with trust issues-- that's not cliche
Thanks and Spanks
Sunday, May 11, 2008
I was spanked today largely because of you-- It's because of you I had the strength to keep going, I knew I needed a good story lol. Anyway. here it is.
So Monday night Drew dropped me off at my dorm after class. He invited me to his apartment for some play but instead I went to my dorm to do homework, but I didn't do homework, I blogged until 4 am. I was so tired, that I didn't finish my assignments and I overslept. The next day I cut class to finish my homework.
While I was with Drew today, I prayed for him to ask me if I followed the rules, I didn't want to admit to it without being asked. So we went to his place, I rented Secretary-- (best mainstream spanko movie EVER.) and before we watched it he said,
"Hey, did you follow the rules this week?"
"No. I didn't do my assignments." I told him the whole story and then he said we'd watch the movie and deal with the spanking after-- tantalizing anticipation. After the amazing spanking scene in Secretary (Youtube it if you haven't) I asked if it turned him on. He said that her reactions turned him on. He said it was fun to be dominant but it hadn't turned him on. But making your partner happy is what it's all about. After the movie he told me to go into the bedroom FUCK, I was so not in the mood to be spanked, I didn't know it was possible, but lo and behold. I dragged my feet on the floor and went into his room. He asked me what's the matter,
"I don't want to be spanked." I muttered
"Okay we don't have to do it babe." He replied.
"Yes we do, it's part of the agreement." I said "Let's keep our agreement"
"Babe, are you okay with spanking me?" I asked
"Honestly, I'm just confused." He said looking at me earnestly
"I want you to spank me."
"Okay then, kneel over the bed with your pants off."
I pulled my pants down, I felt like a six year old brat, I did not want to take my pants down. I knelt over the bed and WHAM, Drew does not know the meaning of warming up. WHAM, WHAM, after each slap my whole body would shift and he would drag it back into position holding my feet down on the ground, damn it hurt so good. You read the stories and forget that each WHAM each WHACK each SLAP has an individual and distinct pain associated with it building up to an ultimate tingling and excitement. As the spanking went on I really wished he would stop, but we don't have a safe word for punishment spankings (that's the point--it's a punishment) so I bared it. After about 100 or so and several loud OWs he stopped and started massaging my bottom.
"Are you okay?" I asked
"I just need some proof that you enjoy this" He was shaking a bit
"Slide your fingers a little forward"
As he slid his fingers between my lips he felt the magnitude of wetness produced by his handiwork. And I think he's starting to get it. He took his pants off and told me to suck his cock as he forced my head into his pelvis and his cock into my throat. I sucked till he was moaning "you could get really good at this." (I should say that the next time he spanks me) He is the first person I've ever gave head to. After he was done, he asked me to start masturbating and then he started spanking me as a masturbated, I moaned a bit, which excited him some more.
We played and rubbed and humped, (we unfortunately can't have sex right now because I have a vaginal condition that prevents that.) and then I asked him to hit me with a belt.
And he did, he double his belt over twice and wailed on me a few times! And you know what? His hand is SO much worse! We played a bit, he took his stuffed Einstein and spanked me with it a bit, and we laughed, then he massaged me and I him. It was so fun,
As we just sat and cuddled, he stared at me, and said "You are such an amazing woman. AND you're only 20! That's what makes you so amazing; you're just beginning"
I loved that moment.
After our play, he drove me back to the dorm, my bottom started swelling and bruising! SO exciting.
He may be a vanilla, but he is one open minded, loving, and accepting vanilla. Who knows, maybe he's not vanilla, maybe he is just white chocolate disguised as vanilla
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Your Score: Certified 100%Spanko
You are 75 % a Spankophille
You are a true spanking fetishist. You truly love to give or recieve a good spanking......or maybe both! You likely have been fascinated by spanking since a very early and began pursuing it with partners as soon as you could. You devote a significant amount of time to your favorite interest and you either are with a spanko partner or looking for one.
|Link: The Spankophile Test written by Spankophille on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test|
View My Profile(Spankophille)
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Personally I do not advocate spanking children, but I was never spanked and I love BDSM, and the real question is-- Why is enjoying spanking in one's adult sexual life called "a problem"?
I was out of town for the weekend and on Sunday I was in the hotel lobby as a man yelled on his phone
Have you been bad?
Yes you have don't lie to me!
Do you need a SPANKING?
Why does that word just sing in my ears?
I like to imagine he was talking to his wife, promising her a coming home present :-)
- Get assignments done on time
- Exercise 3x a week 45 minutes a time
- Call him 2x a week (don't wait for him to call me)
- Be a vegetarian (He loves the animals :-))
- No rude comments esp. in public
- Don't do anything that could put us in danger (ie. talk to him while he is trying to focus on the road)
Well, we have all next Saturday together, I have I feeling I end up end up by the end of the night.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Natalie Sharpa was a nineteen year old college student. She was smart, with quick wit, and a body to match. She always had the right thing to say, found herself in every leadership position, and was never in trouble a day in her life. So how, she wondered, did she end up face down on her boyfriend's arm chair with her pants at her ankles.
Her heart jumped in her chest as she waited and pondered, He said he'd be back "soon" what does that mean?
Scott and Natalie met in ninth grade, and fell in puppy love, but over the past five years Natalie felt that they had grown together; Scott knew her better than anyone, in every sense of the word. Suddenly, door creaked open, Scott walked in and tapped Natalie lightly on the buttocks
She jumped, "What are you doing?"
"You said you'd trust me right?" Said Scott, "well than, trust me!"
Reluctantly Natalie resumed the position.
Natalie jumped a little, but allowed the spanking to continue. THWAP, SMACK, THWAP
Scott's slaps came down on her perky anxious butt in rapid succession.
Natalie found herself actually enjoying this, could he know her better than she knew herself?
"I love you Natie, I'd do anything for you. Even spank you. Give up being in control for a few moments, you might like taking orders for once." Scott said with a chortle as he swung his arm back and landed with a THWACK.
This is really starting to hurt, thought Natalie through moans and whimpers, she debated trying to stop him. However, she couldn't deny the amazing tingle generating from her clitoris and flowing through her entire being.
When Scott's hand finally ceased, Natalie began to stand.
"What are you doing?" Scott asked "Did I tell you to stand?"
"What?" Natalie retorted
"You will bend over the chair until I tell you otherwise, and you will refer to me as sir. Is that clear."
"Yes sir?" Natalie said as she bent over the chair
"Is that a question?"
"No sir." Natalie complied, finally understanding the rules of the game.
"You just earned yourself 5 lashes with the belt. Count them!" Scott said with a smirk
Scott remove his belt slowly allowing the anticipation to built. Natalie was both excited and scared, she'd didn't know what to expect from a belt's lash.
"One" Natalie squealed in shock from the fire of the belt
SMACK THWACK STRAP
By five Natalie was out of breath and so ready to have sex with Scott, this was the best foreplay she had ever experienced.
Her whole body shook, as much as she loved sex with Scott, she never felt this excited to have him in her, he carried her to his bed and pinned her down. Entering her faster, harder, deeper, occasionally pulling out ever so slightly to tease her, leave her wanting more. Until he could no longer control himself and was making love to her harder and more passionate than ever. Each gyration slammed Natalie's fiery bum into the bed deeper, creating the most beautiful pain she had ever experienced.
She never knew she could need someone like this.
As they cuddled in bed, Natalie looked up at Scott in awe, how did he always know just what she needed?
My boyfriend isn't really a spanko-- he is afraid to hurt me, but likes to make me happy and does it anyway. He likes being dominant (he says) but he never checks in that I've fulfilled my commitments (I haven't and therefore totally deserve a spanking).
Do you think a non-spanko can be converted?
Thursday, May 1, 2008
I broke a rule, I know I broke it, but maybe, just maybe my boyfriend won't know. I have an agreement to get my homework done on time, or else. We arrive at his place and he asks me if there is anything I have to tell him. I'm an actress, why can't I lie? Oh yes, I remind myself, it's because I'm a spanko!
"I haven't completed my assignments" I say, "but you don't understand I went out of town, I didn't have time."
"Well maybe you should have thought of that before taking a trip for the weekend. As you will soon see actions have consequences. Now go into the bedroom and be ready by the time I get there."
"Drew, honey, I'm not really in the mood to be spanked." I fib to heighten the mood
"I don't care, you are earning yourself more slaps by the minute!" He says firmly
I rush into his room, my heart is thumping my vagina is pulsating. YES! this will rock!
I lie on a pile of pillows naked from the waist down, I wait for what feels like forever, I would actually get bored, but the prospect of Drew walking through that door at anytime keeps me present.
I begin to masturbate when Drew walks in belt in hand. He looks at me longingly, temporarily forgetting the task at hand. Then as if slapped out of his spell his face hardens
"That is not the ready position." Drew says "This might be harder than I thought."
All of a sudden WHAP I feel the belt wrap around my backside.
"Aiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee" I screech, holy shit that is not what I was expecting, but this is a punishment spanking and I have no say in the matter.
WHAP WHAP WHAP
Drew continues to lay them on rapidly I barely have time to breath.
After five lashes he takes me over his lap
"What are you sorry for?" he asks as he spanks with his hand.
"I'm sorry I didn't keep my commitment."
"What else?" He asks patiently, his hand coming down hard and fast on my burning sit spots.
"Umm... Not being responsible."
"And?" he could do this all day until I get the right answer.
"AAAHHH! Shit that hurts Drew stop it!" I squeal
"That's the point, honey."
SMACK SMACK SMACK
"I'm sorry I disrespected you." I say finally understanding what he was searching for.
"Good! Now let that be a last!" He says with his last five swats
He begins massaging my sore bottom, he knows that drives me wild. His hands find his way in between my wet lips.
He laughs at how excited I am
I remove my top and bra and unbutton his jeans, and the ensuing sex is the most passionate, playful, and perfect experience... Describing an experience like this could only dull the extraordinary time we had, the passion and joy and play present do not exist in our world of language, and that is why I love Drew, wholly and completely.
At each age-- no matter how fuzzy I remember that things related to spanking incited me. I tingled all over.
I remember being three years old and touching myself while watching Full House because Michelle got in trouble, and I thought maybe she'd get spanked.
I remember a cartoon called Jack Frost or something and there was a bear who got spanked for running away from home.
I remember belting scenes from Little House on the Prarie
I remember Mother Goose's old women in a shoe turning me on-- big time!
My imaginary friends when I was a kid was an entire family, where the father spanked.
I don't know where I got the ideas, I was never hit a day in my life, but some where along the line I knew it would be ideal
Somewhere along the line I got the internet, and at age 12 I could read other people's stories, I became a lurker and a liar. I bluffed on sites about my fake spankings, I was 13 and people would comment back on the fact that I was probably a perverted 40 year old man. HA HA-- if only they knew.
I'm so grateful this medium exists where I can share with people who want to read (my friends get a little thrown aback by my stories) and read what people want to share. It made it so much easier to tell my boyfriend what I want because I know I'm not alone.
It's funny because this semi-anonymous somewhat isolating medium makes me feel more connected than many in person things.
PS I found the cartoon:
He was my first, and after our first time, I was excited to get to the good stuff-- The spanking I'd been waiting 20 years for.
Two days ago I told him what I want: I want rules, I want disobedience of these rules to be punished severely but oh so lovingly, to be preceded with anticipation and dread, I want to experience my bottom ache and sting so much I shake all over. I want to experience the amazing sex after and a sting that lasts for days. He gave me all that and more.
He had just driven me back to my dorm, I stared at him longingly. (I should not have read Bonnie's blogs knowing we couldn't be together that night) it was 11pm and we both had to get up early the next morning. I turned to Drew and told him my fantasy. He was intrigued. Being dominant played into his machismo.
"So, I could spank you for the comments you made to me earlier tonight?"
He said playfully referring to some digs I made earlier.
"You can spank me for whatever you want." I replied laughing coyly. I could feel the pace of my heart shift. HOLY SHIT! AM I ACTUALLY GOING TO DO THIS? I thought as a mingling of joy and fear surged to my most sensitive spots.
He turned his car on and drove away from my dorm and back to his place, we ransacked his place for implements, and decided that the hand might be enough for a first timer, but kept a belt and slippers nearby in case.
He went to the bathroom and told me to lay down naked from the waist down over a stack of pillows. I took off my pants and underwear, my heart was racing faster-- It's actually happening, the event I have been waiting for my whole life, the event I masturbated to, before I knew what masturbation was. I laid down on the pillows like he said and realized I left my socks on (does that count as bare from the waist down? I don't know) So I ripped them off as he came through the door.
He brought in a candle and turned off the light.
My heart was pulsating, my body shook, I could feel my pussy begging for him in me. And then THWAP it happened I began leaking so fast, I tingled all over, it was the sting I was looking for. He continued to hit me, hard and fast, then slow and methodical, I couldn't really guess what to expect next, SLAP, SMACK, THWAP... He kept on hitting me until I could hardly take it, I almost wanted to employ my safety word, but I didn't dare-- THIS is what I wanted, this is what I yearned for and my whole body felt at home. Faster and harder, each smack was sharper than the last, I moaned and yelped, and if he noticed, he didn't pay it any mind.
When he was done he slid his finger through my lips, I was more wet then I knew I could be. We played for a bit, giving my newly broken in bottom a rest. As we played, limbs entangled, he grabbed and massaged my sore bottom. It stung and tingled, exciting me more than anything we did, and priming me for my second spanking of the night.
My second spanking was a little less scary than the first, but more painful. I should let you know Drew is a body builder, his smack is not something to play around with (or maybe it is). He spanked me at least another 50 times, I involuntary screamed out with the THWACKS that came sharper than I ever imagined possible, I tried to shift my sore spots, but to no avail. When the spanking finally came to an end, I was so excited I longed for his member to find its place within me, but with a glance at the clock he decided drove me back to my dorm craving him, there would be more time the next visit over his lap. I smiled and I walked into my dorm room pleased as could be
It is two days later and the memory of the spanking appears in wooden chairs, but after that night all I can say is I look forward to the many play dates to come, and the day my bottom will warm up to implements.
My Name is Michelle, and I am a spanko. A hardcore spankophile. I love being spanked and everything about it.
I have craved spankings since about three years old and since my parents didn't believe in hitting I didn't get my first real one until two nights ago. Catapulting me out of my lurking state of mind.
I lurked because I was afraid of what people would think of me.
I blog because all I want to do is scream the joys (and pains) of being spanked.
I would first off like to credit Bonnie at www.bottomsmarts.blogspot.com
You are my spanko G-d.
I read your posts in my dorm room until all hours of the night. I was so excited as I read them, and yet so frustrated because I live in a triple in a dorm-- talk about lack of privacy.
I am still periodically late for class because I am sucked into your blogs.
I hope that I too can provide hope and pleasure for lurkers out there who can't come to terms with expressing their love for spanking.