SG and I played online, and I thought we were all done with the spanking. We made a list of rules along with the consequences of breaking said rules. I didn't agree with most of the consequences. For example, the number one thing I wanted to work on was exercise, and the only punishment for not exercising was loss of Spanko-internet privledges for a day.
I knew it was my job to speak up, but I was scared. I didn't really know him that well, and I didn't know my limits yet, being a noob. I understood what Wendy was saying about keeping it safe, and I realized I wasn't as safe as I could have been because I didn't really know SG
Finally, I was ready to leave when he turns to me and says, "Are you ready for the last part of your spanking?"
Is he joking? He was joking earlier, when he gave me five playful swats. He said only three sessions over his knee. Surely, he's not serious! My mind raced with questions, this was not what we discussed. I nodded speechless.
"This is going to be the hardest session and it will be on the bare bottom." He said "Understood?"
"Yes, sir" I squeeked out of my lips
This is what you wanted, this is what you wanted I reminded myself over and over again.
As he TWACKED and SMACKED me harded than ever, I lay limp on his lap wishing it would end.
Mechanically everything was right, but emotionally it didn't work.
After a few smacks he stood me up and told me to get the new panties on.
I felt awkward in them, but they were thick cotton and offered some protection.
As I lay on his lap again he tells me he is going to give me fifty more and I am to yell out when we get to 10, 20, 30, 40, and 50
It was an exercise in concentration, he says.
Don't fuck up or he'll start over! I yell to myself.
10 and 20, come rather easily, but then he says he is going to start mixing it up and varying the tempo. I get 30 just barely but when he gets to 40 he speeds up so fast and I am sooo flustered I cannot say 40 in time.
"That was 42 not 40." He says "We are starting over."
OMG! Really? I though that was 40 are you sure?
He starts again. All I can focus on are the numbers. I am mouthing them to try and keep up with his rapid pace changing. I forget about safe words, or the scene, or anything. ALL I can think about is counting
This time the same thing happens at 40 except this time I know I fucked up.
"What number was that really?" He says sternly
"I don't know." I say almost about to cry, He just cannot start again!
"That was 43" He says
"It just sped up so much! I didn't...." my words trail off, I know they're of no use to me now.
"You are really blistered and bruised, so I won't make you start again." He says
"We are now at the last 5, these are going to be the hardest five of the night, understand?"
I squeal then I collapse into him for aftercare. I am shaking and scared. The other after care felt false. This time I felt like if I didn't collapse into him, I'd just collapse.
At the end he shared with me his alter, which was very special.
I know for him he didn't know what was happening within my head, he didn't know that it was too hard for me because I didn't say anything, I don't blame him for any wrong doing, I just wish I had opened my mouth sometimes.
The real problems started the next day.
My bottom was sore and swollen, bruised and blistered.
All this from a hand!? I thought, and disciplines will be worse?!
I was under the impression the implements would necessarily be worse, because I hadn't had any yet.
I was promised 5 swats with a hairbrush per minute late, so I was 30 minutes early to work.
On my way to my acting class I broke down crying because of traffic.
When I got home and he was online he I invited him into conference with my spanko family.
He asked if I got his email yet. I told him I hadn't read my email yet. He asked to see me in PM NOW.
He told me I was going to get 20 with the hairbrush for not having checked my E-mail yet.
At this point I "shouted" in caps lock "I AM DONE"
Following this there was a lot of speculation and drama, about whether what he did was right or wrong.
I still maintain that I should have said something, otherwise how would he know it didn't work for me?
After seeing the picture, other people said that if he was an experienced top, he should not have gone that hard my first time.
Some people got really mad at him and sent him mean messages.
He left the online scene for a bit and I posted a forum message in his favor, stating that he did nothing wrong.
After that, generally opinion of him was good, but he had already left the scene online, and moved to UK for a few weeks.
The reason I didn't post on this, is I didn't really know what to say for a while. I wanted the heat of the topic to die down first.
Thats all for now.
I've had some really great experiences since then too, and I can't wait to share them!